Recovery: Return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength
That sounds simple right? Imagine if the process was as clean and clear cut as this definition. Recovery is anything but simple. Recovery is overwhelming, chaotic, stressful and challenging, but recovery is also wonderful–and so worth it.
Recovery is a BIG word with a lot of meaning. Recovery for one person might not mean what recovery represents for me—and I think there’s beauty in that. We are all different. We’ve all walked down different paths, weathered different storms and have our own unique goals and dreams.
For me, recovery is a new chapter in my book. My struggle with an eating disorder was one long chapter, but I finished it. My plan is never to return to this chapter again. Recovery has brought me freedom–Looking back, I can really say that I was a slave to my disorder. Not one second went by when I was free from negative thoughts about myself or my body. There were no days off from this relentless disease. Sometimes I would try to fight back, but most days my eating disorder won the war.
Until I was recovered, I never realized how much time I wasted obsessing over ridiculous things. Who has time for that? *Sigh of absolute RELIEF*
My eating disorder was a very dark and lonely place. I felt ashamed, depressed, and miserable. Recovery has brought me back to life. I am happy, healthy, and motivated. I try to see the positive in every situation and I walk through life with a smile. The simplicity of not having to revolve my entire life around when I’m going to eat or not eat has been so calming. I no longer ruminate on details that used to bring me so much anxiety on a daily basis. I do what I want, go where I want and I don’t have to worry about the voices or the backlash of taking my eating disorder with me.
Recovery has taught me that I literally can do anything I set my mind to. While I was living with an eating disorder, there were many days that I thought I would never get better – when I didn’t even want to get better. I was hopeless and I felt weak. My disorder drained everything from me and my journey to recovery has brought me from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs.
I now have 3 beautiful children who need me, a loving husband, incredible friends and family, an awesome job and a supportive community who all want to see me at my best. My recovery has brought me to a place where I am healthy enough to be the fun loving, strong and compassionate person that I am without my eating disorder.
Recovery has shown me that my passion is recovery. I have always wanted to “change the world.” Cliché I know, but my recovery has me actually doing it. Sharing my story brings me so much joy– it’s the most amazing feeling. I don’t think I will ever get tired of it. Being able to educate the community about eating disorders and the stigma that surrounds them helps me feel stronger in my own recovery. It helps me remember that my story is important. It’s brave, it’s bold, it’s meaningful and it matters. Your story matters too.