It was a scary day for me but I knew something had to change in my life. A revolving door swung me through the beginning of a journey; living life. My journey with life with an eating disorder (E.D.) was about to become non-existent at Walden Behavioral Care in Waltham, MA. It was the year of 2002 when I fearfully entered through that revolving door. Thirteen years later, I still struggle with recovery, but I am living life free from E.D. every day more and more.
I was at my breaking point at the age of twenty-two. I was exhausted. I was petrified of change and of the unknown. My friends and family were expressing their concerns and even willing to have me committed. “I was fine,” I often tried to explain to everyone. It took all my strength to counteract all the demons in my head and seek help from professionals. My journey that day was one of the scariest moments in my life but the most relieving at the same time.
At Walden Behavioral Care, I trusted no one and was in extreme denial of my eating disorder. I felt all I needed to do was learn how to eat. “I don’t have an eating disorder,” I would often argue with everyone. I was angry, untrusting, and ambivalent to accepting the help I sought. As the refeeding process slowly started, I was becoming more coherent in my decision making. I was able to start to understand that I was struggling with an eating disorder. I began to let go of E.D.; the control it had over me. My days in the hospital were very tough and not easy, but I knew life was better than life with E.D., I had a glimmer of hope.
My days at Walden Behavioral Care were a struggle at times, but everyone: patients, professionals, family, and friends provided me with hope. I started to not feel alone as I began to take part in my own recovery. The more I began to be part of my own treatment and life, the stronger I became. Don’t get me wrong, at the beginning I was angry at everyone and denied myself treatment. I was beyond ambivalent. I was scared, but it was the little voice inside me that walked through that revolving door that kept me alive.
Over ten years later, I still am in recovery from E.D., but I know that one day I will be recovered, free from E.D. I know now that this freedom is possible. I may not be fully recovered but I do consider myself much happier and healthier. Currently, I am living my life to its fullest with bumps along my road to recovery. May we all know we are not alone in our struggles on the road of life? I write this blog entry with hope that it will instill hope in you and touch your soul. May we all find our true selves!
About the author:
Ariane Theriault is a registered nurse at a Boston Hospital in the cardiology field. She earned her Bachelor of Science degree and graduated Magna Cum Laude for Nursing from the University of Massachusetts, Boston. Her favorite part of blogging for Walden is being able to help others and herself on her road to recovery from an eating disorder. She likes to give a fresh perspective on eating disorder related news in the media and on her own personal struggles, while relating them to others. Her passions range from gardening, writing, and advancing her career. She enjoys spending her time with her partner, family, friends and her two cats, Jaguar and Binks.