I was at a family gathering and everyone was chatting about various things. We got on the subject of bullying and a family member shared that she was harassed by a service provider of hers. She stated she was verbally assaulted and pushed by this long-time service provider. She was humiliated, degraded and yelled at in front of other people. She didn’t deserve any of it. After hearing the story, I was mad that someone could do that to someone I love. I was shocked that someone could be so horrible and cruel for no reason. As my day went on and I thought back to that conversation, I realized that Ed bullied me just like my family member was bullied.
When I was with Ed, he was telling me what to do, when to do it, how to do it and yelling at me because I didn’t do it right and pushing me around telling me I disappointed him. He told me not to eat, that I was fat and I needed to listen to him. Over and over he would verbally abuse me and push me around day in and day out. I’m sure you guys understand and can relate as you know what Ed tells you each day.
When it was happening I didn’t see the abuse. I thought he was there to help guide and protect me. I thought he loved me and wanted what’s best for me. I thought he was taking care of me and telling me what I needed to know to be perfect, to be happy, to be loved, to be pretty, to be successful, to be a good friend, a good daughter, etc. I believed what Ed promised and wanted it all. It wasn’t until recovery that I saw Ed for who and what he really was – an abusive, lying, jerk and bully!
In recovery, I took my control back and stood up to Ed and told him “NO!” I talked back to him and told him that he didn’t know what was best for me and that I was no longer going to listen to him. I repeatedly said to him, “Ed you don’t know what you’re talking about—you are the stupid one.” He didn’t like it because I found my voice and stood up to him. It was fun to see him be defeated. It made me chuckle and made me feel strong. Thanks to recovery, I had the power to stand up to a bully and defend myself.
You too can stand up against Ed. You have it in you, I know you do. Take your control back and don’t let him bully you any longer. Yell back at him and then disobey him. Read some positive affirmations, write in your journal or call a friend. Tell someone what Ed is saying to you, as telling on Ed lessens his power over you. By you calling him out and showing everyone how much of a bully he really is, it makes you stronger and it makes your recovery stronger.
Know that you don’t have to be degraded, humiliated or spoken to that way. You deserve better. You have the power inside you to fight that bully and find your voice. You can do it!!!
With hope, love and strength,