I was leaving the grocery store the other day and as I walked outside, the beautiful sun shone on me and warmed me all over. As I began walking to my car, I sneezed as the sun was so bright. Walking towards me was a gentleman in his 40’s and as he heard me sneeze, he said “Bless you.” When he told me that, I said, wow Bless Me…. it can mean so many things…and all acknowledged because of my recovery.
For me (and perhaps you too), when I was in the depths of Ed living each day with him, I didn’t feel anything, let alone feel blessed in any way. I was too busy concentrating on what Ed was telling me and making sure I did it right so I wouldn’t disappoint him and gain everything he promised. I wasn’t aware of what or who I had as my vision and thoughts were solely on Ed. Do you know what I mean? Can you relate? I bet you can.
Then the days came where I chose to follow recovery (you can too) and with recovery I slowly began to feel blessed and grateful. I felt blessed and grateful that I had the strength in me to fight Ed (even though some days I didn’t want to fight), I felt blessed and grateful that I had family and friends around me (even though it was hard for me to reach out), I felt blessed and grateful I had a treatment team who cared about me (even if it took a long time to trust them), I felt blessed and grateful for my higher power and Angels to give me guidance (even if I felt no one was listening), I felt blessed and grateful that I felt hope (even if it wasn’t all the time) and so much more.
Now that I am recovered, I feel blessed and grateful everyday for the gifts recovery has given me….freedom, self-love, strength, life, a social life, health, drive, choice, the love of food, positive body image and so much more. If it wasn’t for my recovery I wouldn’t have all that I have—emotionally, spiritually and physically. It’s because of recovery that I can now see how truly blessed I am.
You too can realize and find those blessings in your life to be grateful for. Begin today, right now, by saying NO Ed, I won’t listen and then disobey. You can also reach out to a friend and ask for support by taking a risk and going out to dinner or making dinner together. Socializing and making memories with friends and family (without Ed involved) is a strength and blessing. You can also go to an extra therapy or nutritionist appointment to push yourself out of your comfort zone (out of Ed’s comfort zone) which is a strength and blessing. By doing these steps, you are utilizing your recovery voice and gaining back your control.
As you move forward and gain strength by disobeying Ed, you will gain new insight into what and who is around you that is difficult to see because of Ed. As you move along on your recovery journey and figure out your path, the feelings of gratitude will arise. You deserve all the blessings and greatness to come.
With health, hope and strength,